I'm trying to get back to this but I really am running dry. Even writing isn't making sense of my world these days.

I'm overwhelmed and feeling like I'll never dig out of this hole that I've dug for myself. I want to do so much, but I am running out of time and particularly out of energy. I think I'm going to have to take some time to devote to doing things that simply must be done so that once they are over and done, I can proceed with a more balanced approach on a maintenance plan. But I have to get something to maintain first.

Is that sort of like getting a rough draft in hand and then polishing? Can I take a month off from writing--perhaps even workshops--to deal with the things that are weighing so heavily on my shoulders that all I want to do is sleep? I hate it when I feel like this and normally it's because I'm not writing. But I have been writing--even if it's not been here.

I spend way too much time DAILY searching for things that should have a home so that they are easy to locate. Everything from school records to insurance papers--even bills. Shoot, I know where the bills are, I'm just so far behind on reconciling balances and the like that I'm avoiding paying them. This is a new conundrum for me. I've never had this happen before in my life. I always pay bills promptly.

Then there's R's hand. He was so happy with how he was cared for at St. Anthony and how well the finger seemed to be healing. Then they went to take out stitches last night and the finger was not splinted correctly. R's sister said she winced when she first heard they had splinted it at a 90; with the injury on one side of the finger, the finger is being pulled by the stronger side and is curling under the middle finger. It's the type of injury--his sis made this VERY clear--that if it's not cared for immediately, it could spell the loss of use of the hand in general. This will probably require surgery. R's sis isn't one who would throw colleagues under the bus on a whim, and she's saying this is a serious malpractice incident. This stuff is basic med school 101 and it should never have been splinted with the fingers bent at a 90. So we'll see what tomorrow will bring. She's told him exactly how to approach it through the ER that he went into, so that hopefully they will recognize their error and get it fixed without it costing us an arm and a leg. Or just his hand....

Strangely enough I'm not as worried about that or his finding work as I am Abe's school situation that seems just so overwhelming I can hardly think about it, which is just making things worse, of course. I did very well last week, just doing a little at a time and felt good about the progress, but I need blinders so that when I hit a snag, I just work through the snag and doing start looking at what's out ahead of me to deal with, because that's when I lose my nerve and I go down.

Sufficient is each day for it's own badness. I think I'm going to go try to get ready for next week.

It's a great life if you don't weaken.