Paralysis

I wonder sometimes how many other people experience this. Then I'm sure there are many and some to an even greater degree.

Sometimes life just flatlines.

It's the same thing over and over again. Try to dream up something new for supper. Go ahead--just try. All that comes to mind are spaghetti and hamburgers and those other meals you have over and over and over again. Of course they should make dh happy--dh who's always complaining that we never have the same meal twice and that I'm always using them as human guinea pigs. Of course now he's complaining that I "never cook."

Can't write to save my life. I sit down and stare at things. Can't clean. Everything seems like a major chore that takes more strength than I've got to put to it. About the only thing I can do is read (have devoured three young adult novels in the past two days--thanks Gary Paulsen and Patricia Giff Reilly [probably spelled wrong but I can't lift a dictionary. ]). It's the same old fights, the same old worries, the same old nagging and complaining and I just want to say: "Okay! I give up. Okay, okay, okay. Just let me have some peace."

I think I need to go home and see my mother.

And somewhere back there my brain is functioning on logic instead of emotions and it's saying, "Well, you big dummy. You're not drinking your water, you're not taking your pills, and you know this is temporary and will pass if you'll just RELAX and REST." But you know that isn't as easy as it sounds either. DELEGATE is another command that screams through my head, but every time I delegate I end up paying for it, it seems.

Gosh how can you stand all this whining and complaining. I can't stand it myself. But there's my time for today. I'm going to go see if I can find the pieces of my YA novel that I think I surprised myself and have pretty much written just doing it scene by scene as they came into my head, and believe me, they were in no particular order whatsoever. Trouble is, all those scenes are scattered between files and notebooks and stacks of papers that are not yet filed. You know filing will probably be the one thing that haunts me right up to the day I die. I hate it!

Here's to Friday.