Seeds

She huddled in a dark corner as she always did, and felt the shame she always felt. In her mind she could hear her grandmother standing toe to toe with her captors, screaming insults and bearing the consequences as a badge of pride and honor. Maybe that came as a result of having a life of value. She didn't want to stand up, didn't want to draw attention. Oddly enough, she didn't want to die. Her grandmother would sacrifice her life and all her skill and training rather than cower. But she, with no skill and no value, did not want to sacrifice living. Did it mean she had no honor?

With these thoughts twisting like snakes and biting her, she shook her head and then cradled it in her hands, covering her ears. There had to be something else to think about. When she wasn't lost in thought, her head was filled with nonsense words that swirled around her. Before now she had never really thought about how comforting it was to hear words that you understood, even if they were harsh and demanding.

There was no way to think of the future without overwhelming fear. There was no way to think of the present without wondering what would happen. If only sleep would come. Perhaps she wouldn't mind dying if she didn't know it was happening.
-----------
I have written this opening scene again and again and again and I'm still not satisfied with it. Probably because I cannot see it. I have so much research to do before I can see it clearly.

But I know the feelings and the fear and the background that shapes this captive and the future that lies ahead of the darkness. Those won't change. I want to get to that part so badly, but first I have to get some important details figured out. This one is going to take a lot more work than any piece I have ever done, but it's demanding to be told.

So November is a little over seven months away. Plenty of time to get some serious research done, right? :) Then there's my editor who is not-so-gently reminding me that I haven't really finished Cousins yet. I need a new title before I can do any real selling though. And to iron out one big gap--like the place and Lodge where they spend their holiday with family. Other than that I think I'm good to go except for the nitpicking editing. I might be more motivated to do that if I was worried someone might say, "Send it!" Sometimes I need the adrenalin to get me motivated, I think.