A Fine State of Affairs

I can't blog. What is wrong with me? Sometimes it feels like what I do here is one more trivial thing in the face of everything that is happening out there in the big bad horrible world. Sort of like having white teeth. Is it really so important? Look around out there: so much pain, so many huge, impending issues. It's sheer turmoil, and if it weren't for my faith it would drive me indoors, behind locked doors, my family with me. But there is work that needs to be done, and I can't stay home to do it, so it's important to get the equilibrium I need to walk forward without falling over.

I move toward that when I write.

I have this plan, this super focus that is motivating me to reach beyond my comfort zone and submit. Still I feel dissatisfied because I'm not creating anything. It bothers me. Which means it may be time to sit down and give the creativity some focused attention: force it. Sometimes my muse responds under a MUST. Other times I'm just banging my head against that proverbial and cliche-ish brick wall. It doesn't feel good.

I have been doing morning pages since the second of April. I am actually doing morning minutes because I am cheating and using the computer and the program doesn't show me where there are any pages. I'm determined to learn all the little gidgets and gadgets on the LifeJournal for Writers. It is a different sort of venue in that it is purely private. And still I find it hard to let myself go there. It's something I have to learn. I am such a control freak.

At any rate, I love coming here to read the archives. I really do. I read these little character sketches and think they could go places, but what I really want to do is come up with some more. I'm in search of my next person to put center stage for November. Already. What did I tell you about that control thing?

I ramble. This is what I do in my morning minutes. I get things off my chest and try to figure out different aspects of life in general, and you know what--it's working in a way. I lost sight of most of the "core" I've been trying to establish during "the tax week" except for the morning pages. I didn't go nearly as crazy as I could have. :)

I have a goal of re-reading Gift from the Sea.

See I am bored out of my mind just typing this; I can't imagine what it's like reading it. So then the little voice asks me why continue, and something deeper tells me it's important. I believe it is.

I believe.