Blather

I think I've found a new place to write. I'm sitting at our local public library at a desk beside a huge picture window, and just outside this window is a lovely little garden that in all the years I've been coming here (since my 20-year-old and 15-year-old boys were little!) I've never noticed it! I have to tell myself that they've just planted is up more this year, but some of these plants are too "established" to be this year's offerings. There is a vine covering the putty-color brick wall that has lavendar flowers that remind me of lilacs. The bees and buterflies seem to be enjoying it very much. A hibiscus is blooming like I wish mine would. Holly bushes stand like pawns in front of cana lily soldiers. (I hope that's right. Calla is the small stuff, right?) Various coleus plants, huge elephant ears, and all kinds of interesting foliage that I obviously need to learn more about. There's an English garden bench parked toward the back of all this, close to my window and it looks very inviting. Especially today when we've finally had a break in our 100 degree heat and it is cloudy. I have to wonder how they get so much stuff to thrive in the shade. It is really very lovely, very relaxing. I wonder if the Wi-Fi works out there. Though given the number of bees I've seen, I'm probably just as happy behind the window. In the air conditioning. :)

I set aside a few hours this afternoon to concentrate on some marketing. I have two stories out right now and would love to have Viewfinder and another short story (haven't decided which one yet) in circulation by the end of the month. With back-up plans for everything. That's been my downfall. Instead of chosing several potential publishers, I've been working on one prospect at a time, which means I have to go through this entire process again to get the manuscript back out. It's all very tiring and requires organizational skills that I'm not sure I've developed yet. Sometimes I just want to turn the marker board in my room into a huge project board that I can see. I keep doing spreadsheets, but scrolling back and forth across them and getting lines mixed up, etc., etc. It would be so much easier to look at it all in one fell swoop. It would help if there wasn't so many choices. It would help if I didn't feel impelled to research these things to death for fear of sending the right project to the wrong person. I am sure these are all procrastination techniques that I use to preserve myself from rejection even though I know I can take it easier now, even though I know it's the work and not me they're rejecting, and even though they're rejecting the work not because it's not good (and the rejection letters have actually said that, so I'm not making it up) but because it just doesn't fit "their list" at the time.

It is such a snowstorm. Such a snowstorm. Here in the thick humid middle of August I'm having a brain freeze from information overload and my internal critic screaming (like a North wind!) at me asking why I think in the millions upon millions of manuscripts that land on editors/agents desks all over the world each and every day, mine stands a ghost of a chance. Well, because every published manuscript was one of those millions upon millions, so why not? Then here comes the cycle: increase the chances by researching well. Then research to the point it gives you a headache, and you begin to wonder if you should just print out a list of agents/publishers, tape it to the wall and start throwing darts. :)

And I found out today that the fall conference for the Oklahoma chapter of SCBWI is on a weekend I have already obligated to be in Texas. It sounds like a really good one too. Good news is I have friends I hope will take good notes for me.

So there you have it. I wonder how many words of whining this is, and does anyone have good cheese to go with it????