Gotta Figure This Out

This is going to be a self-analysis post. You've been warned.

My dh has started back to work as of Tuesday, and already I am doing so much better. I'm trying to understand why this is so, because I don't want to look forward to his being gone. When he's around 24/7 I feel out of control, and I'm wondering why that is and what I can do to fix it. The easy route would be to blame him, but blame never really solves any problems, does it?

My first thought is: I'm getting up earlier. But that's not exactly true. The problem starts I think with the fact that on his "natural" schedule, he goes to bed earlier and gets up later than I do. If I stayed asleep as long as he does, I would feel awful. I know this to be true because I fell into the trap over the winter. Feel tired=sleep more=feel worse=need more sleep? vs. Force myself to get up and move earlier=feel better=rest better=do more. He hits the floor running and doesn't ever stop till he falls back in bed and even then sometimes it's hard for him to turn his mind off. I have a far more relaxed approach to life and avoid being in a rush if I can help it. He lives in a hurry. So I guess it's just natural he'd need to recharge more than I do.

So I go ahead and get up. But I'm limited in what I can do so that I don't wake him up. My boys can sleep through a freight train in the living room. So when R isn't home I get up and clean. This morning I had the VVA coming for a donation I had yet to put together. So by 7:00 am I was cleaning out a cluttered corner in my laundry room and had a nice box put together by 8:00. (This in loyalty to my sworn vow never to neglect an opportunity to ship something out of this house!) Had dh been home this could not have taken place because the noise would have had him up and 1) grumpy or 2) wanting me to go back to bed too. Why not 3) get up and help? I have no idea. Not true. He's not much fun in the morning, and he can be a challenge to work with when he is fun. :)

Also I get my rebounding done earlier. That gets my blood pumping--and according to the material my lymphatic system too! ~BG~ When I'm finished with that I am fully awake and energized. But the tramp is back next to the bedroom so when he's here I wait and do it later when he's up.

Third, when he's home, after I've unloaded the dishwasher, maybe taken out trash and/or mop as needed, swished and swiped the boys' bathroom, the only thing left to do is turn on the morning news (very low volume) and get my e-mail taken care of. But the danger in that is that I wind up on the computer for a long time. Some of that time isn't all that productive. Plus I have a tendency to go back to sleep when I'm sitting here with a laptop in my lap. Reading does the same thing. I usually have some studying I can do for ASL or for church meetings and the like, but again--it's so much different from getting up and getting moving. I end up feeling sluggish most of the day.

Yesterday I had laundry finished before noon. That's another item on the "sleeping" end of the house; I haven't been getting started sometimes till noon while he's been off.

So how to solve this. Because sooner or later he's going to be home again and I'd rather be ready. I could get out and walk outside. (Where is that stick ds made me? So many scary dogs live in this neighborhood now.) I could try rebounding and see what happens since mine doesn't have squeeky springs. It is in a totally separate room and with two doors between bouncing me and snoring him, I maybe could get away with it.

At any rate I'm going to continue brainstorming because I want to be ready. So many routines--including taking care of my health--bit the dust over the past few months, and it only happens because I let it happen. I realized I needed the alone time or I was going to completely freak out; the library on Friday was a good solution to that. So there has to be a solution to the rest of this....

I truly want to enjoy my ds when he's home instead of feeling out of control. Some more communication is probably in order too. I'm not sure I'll ever get him to understand that this is more about me than him; it's amazing sometimes how fragile the adult male ego can be.

I hope if he ever reads this he won't shoot me. ~BG~