Is Normal out there anywhere?

Send it/him/her this way if you catch a glimpse...Promise the elusive entity that it doesn't have to stay. Just visit for a little while--that's all I ask.

Dh went to the dr today and had the entire nail on one of his big toes removed and then graphically told us about what drained out of it. So much for lunch. Rick started developing an infection on Thursday last week, and by today his toe was half again bigger than the "normal" one. He has a staff infection in the toe. And get this--if it wasn't for Abe's friend's father being a podiatrist and making a slot for Dh early this morning, the earliest appointment he could get was Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I shudder to think what the toe would have been like by then. Anyway, he can't put a shoe on that foot for the next week at least, must keep it elevated when he's not soaking it--you know the drill. "Honey, could you.....?" Not that I mind. He didn't ask for a staff infection and I know it hurts him. He spent all weekend hobbling like an old man and wincing just sitting in the chair, the pain was so bad. Of course Abe can't resist: "Waah, waah, waah, Dad. Try breaking a hip. Mom, would you mind..." (He didn't break a hip, but it's an easier word than "pelvis".)

I lost it yesterday. Completely and totally. I'd be feeling on top of things one minute and be crumpled up in tears the next over something totally insignificant. It was worse than being pregnant. I can't find a schedule, I can't find time to do everything that needs doing. (I've accumulated over $8.00 in library fines, if that tells you anything. At $.10 per day, per item--I completely forgot we had a library, much less books.) I want a routine and I want just a few seconds in the course of a day for myself. I feel like I'm on this incredibly crazy roller coaster and it just won't stop and let me off even though I feel sick to my stomach, tired, dizzy and yes, scared of what the next peak or valley might hold. Just let me get my balance, for just a little while, some semblance of control. I am such a control freak and I have completely lost all control of so many things.

Even the routine things I used to do--I tell you, with all the advice and counsel I get on a daily basis on how to do laundry, cook food, make iced tea, keep up with the bills/finances, etc., etc., you'd think all of these things never got done when there wasn't someone here to monitor and/or tweak the procedures that have kept things cooking along pretty well to date. Sometimes I want to go out to the garage and start rearranging things the way I think they should be arranged, and maybe it would sink in why I get upset with all the "suggestions" inside. What happened to "everything inside, your domain, everything outside, my domain." Well, with four bodies stuck inside, the domain is overcrowded....Asher has taken to riding his bike. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for a used one for me. No gas, exercise, and ONLY ONE PERSON CAN FIT ON IT! Send me a bicycle!!!

However, I do have to confess that some of the stuff I normally have a handle on has gotten away from me. It took me all day to catch up with the laundry just last week. I kept thinking I'd done it. Actually a lot of it is done and still sitting in baskets because I literally don't know where to put it anymore. Asher gave up his room for Abe because it was easier to move the hospital bed in there and was closer to the bathroom and a bit bigger. Ash moved his clothes out of the dresser and closet in there as well so his brother could have them. Well, his brother left his clothes in his own room but all his paraphenalia has blocked the empty dresser and closet, so there's this constant squabble over the fact that Abe can't "hobble" well through his room that's supposed to be his brother's for the moment, and it's because his brother HAS NO WHERE TO PUT HIS CLOTHES! A simple, reasonable solution: rearrange things so Asher can get to the empty closet and/or dresser. Or move Abe's clothes into the empty storage. Sounds reasonable, logical, but somehow everything is supposed to magically solve itself while no one does anything different. Quite frankly, I don't have the steam anymore. You would think an almost 21-year-old and an almost 16-year-old could figure this out. They're going to have to I guess. I've crossed the problem off my list. Except for the fact that my laundry baskets are beginning to look like tiny mountains. At least the clothes are clean and folded. It looks like I'm trying.

Of course the bed frame and mattress we moved out of the one bedroom to make way for the hospital bed is back in "my" room. I'd finally gotten that old school room sorted out and a used recliner in there that I planned to work from and sleep in on ocassion. Well, a week into my triumph the chair broke, and it's tilted worse than the Leaning Tower of Pisa in all its pale blue velour-ness, complete with fuzzy blanket and snazzy pillows. Now the chair is hemmed in at the rear with the bedframe (meaning it won't recline) and was flanked on the tilted side by the mattress, but I was afraid the mattress would fall over on my sheffelera that my hubby had "rehabilitated" for me last year as an anniversary gift. It truly is back to being a gorgeous plant but wouldn't be if it was snapped off by a mattress. The mattress is now propped against the wall in the hall between the door to the old school room (which now feels more like a storage unit than my room) and the bathroom. Sometimes I see it leaning there and wonder if I would sleep just as well on it right where it is, standing in the hall leaning on it. Just tuck the blanket under my chin like a giant bib. Bring on the tornado. I'm ready!

I keep thinking if I start with something simple and make it a habit, I'll feel better. I can't even choose which simple thing that should be. Drink more water? Walk? Write? How about just getting up early? Decluttering? Screaming at the top of my lungs? No that would probably get me locked up....... Hmmmm.........Maybe that's where Normal is????? Hiding in a padded room somewhere waiting for me....

There. What is it about complaining that makes us feel better? I think I can sleep now and I'm sure everything will look better in the sunshine tomorrow. On my bike, of course. Normal can ride on the handlebars. :)