In Pursuit of Peace

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the
strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

What a difficult concept to learn.

After the Murrah building bombing, the fall of the Twin Towers, and countless personal losses, I have finally come to the realization that it is just not worth it to be quick to take offense, and even less worth it to stay angry with people.

I hate letting any of my family out of my site with a harsh word lying between us. What if there is never a chance to take it back? Or to let, “I love you!” cover over the imperfections in us that drive wedges and prompt words we wish we’d never said. I would like, someday, for that concept to extend to people outside my family circle.

I have never been one who is easily offended, and after watching the struggle of people who are, I am grateful for that gift that seemed to come more naturally to me.

I have been deeply hurt. I have held a grudge. I have learned the relief of letting go. I have not always remembered that relief. Sometimes it gets buried in pain. I have also learned the soothing salve that time can bring.

As a tribute to these life lessons I am, these days, a little quicker to try to push past the rawness of disappointment or inconsideration, to find the peaceful place where we can begin again. Nothing will ever be the same. It can be better. And the peace—the inner peace is so worth gathering the courage to approach a person and put things right.

The biggest hurdle that remains for me is fear. There are people I fear putting things right with; letting them “in” again means risking being stabbed again. Is that the course of wisdom? Not necessarily. But forgiveness doesn’t have to mean that a relationship will be continued. It should mean parting on amicable terms that allow for a future change of mind and heart. If we can agree to disagree, and still be civil, we’ve achieved more than some of the mightiest, wealthiest nations on earth have achieved.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was
you. ~Lewis B. Smedes