Disaster and a Dictionary

Disaster and a dictionary=My grammy in a nutshell.

Example: "Brush your teeth, or you'll turn into a bidentate hick that no one takes seriously."

It drives me crazy.

Mom and Dad don't understand this. Mom lived with it all Grammy life; to Mom it's normal. Dad gets a glazed-over look in his eye after he's with Grammy for more than fifteen minutes, which means he's tuned out and is letting his mind take him on travels he wishes his body could follow.

Grammy--and I never, ever call her that to her face--has a unique way of taking the mundane actions of everyday life and turning them into something critical, with the most dire of circumstances surrounding lack of performance. Does she really think that if I go to bed tonight without brushing my teeth, a successful future will be impossible? I think at worst I'd have such a bad case of bad breath in the morning that I'd brush them just to be able to stand myself. Sure it could be the beginning of a bad habit. Let's save the prophesies of doom for the real issues. Or the already established habits that need breaking.

Bidentate? I have to look it up. What on earth is a bidentate? Context dictates it's not good. I'm sure she doesn't think I'll turn into a elegant or wealthy hick. It may have something to do with the teeth I'm supposed to brush--dentate and dentist and all that.

Yesterday it was eating vegetables. If I didn't finish the broccoli (nevermind that I like it and was eating it in balance with everything else she served) I would become a corpulent creature with no friends.

But you know, I shouldn't complain because if that's all about Grammy that drives me crazy, I'm one lucky dude. Paul Frank's grandmother kisses him constantly. Ugg. Grammy agrees that kisses are a rather germy way of showing affection. And she doesn't tell any of my friends that I sorta like classical music. And cook--wow! If Mom cooked like this, I'd surely turn into that corpulent creature. (I looked it up.)

Anyway, I guess I'd better go see if bidentate is spelled the way I think it is.