I'm an adrenalin junkie I guess.

I am sooooooo close to having my submissions ready for the OWFI contest but do you think I can get my rear in gear to edit an synopsis and two chapters. They're written for heaven's sake! All I have to do is nit-pick, which by the way is something I generally enjoy doing. So what is the problem? Fear of failure, fear of success, knowing that my deadline isn't the real deadline, all the other stuff that I should be doing, the mess in my school-room-soon-to-be-writing-room that has me absolutely overwhelmed despite FlyLady, the fact that I can't find the manual to my son's chemistry set and he needs them to stay on target with his plans for the month to finish his chemistry lab. Ai-yi-yi. And yesterday was so good. I got so much done writing and in here. Today I'm just washed out. Hate the pendulum ride. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

What is today's word, anyway.....Gotta check.

fencible (FEN-si-buhl) adjective: Capable of being defended.

My lack of writing focus is infencible (is that a word?) Not fencible.

Other positions I hold are fencible. Capable of being defended. Hmmmm. Stalling out here. Capable of being defended. Capable of being defended. Isn't it all relative. Some people feel a position is fencible even when their logic is faulty. But heartfelt adherence can make the most infencible position perfectly fencible. Emotion is blinding. So is it useful? Absolutely. Didn't we sort through this on Star Trek Mr. Spock. I'm tired. I don't want to cook. I don't want to clean. I don't want to fold laundry much less put it away. What is the matter with me? SAD? Why are all the blinds drawn in this room? Why can't I get the floor at least clutter free? Because I'm sitting here pecking away and trying to blow up the dam that has all the good water stacked up behind it. Let the river run free. Please!! The dam is not fencible. I eventually will break through it and there won't be enough fingers to plug it. Glory, what a run-on mess and I want to just erase it but I can't because it's a universal thing that us writer types go through and you might as well learn it now. One year into it, eight years into it, twenty years into it, eighty years into it, you still hit this indescribable entity that takes over momentarily at least and handcuffs you so that you have to work at it a bit before you can get what you want. I guess that makes it all the sweeter though--the struggle is never for nothing. It always yields something--even if it's just the "ta-da" that comes with finishing the free write that you promised you would do today.

Ta-Da! It's fencible!

Well, I can't blame anyone for not looking here anymore. But it's not that I haven't been writing. I've been working on five submissions for the annual OWFI contest and I have the goal of getting them in a whole week early. :) Actually a week and a couple days. So I've been doing more editing than writing.

But I have to say that our weekly write at the Writer's Workshop is better than I ever hoped it would be. We are having an absolute blast writing together for 15 minutes and then sharing the results. Mostly we're surprised at what we can accomplish in 15 minutes. Good lesson all the way around there.

Now for a bit of playtime:

corybantic (kor-i-BAN-tik) adjective

Wild; frenzied; uncontrolled.

I'm not sure I've ever been corybantic in my life.

Oh, wait. I hear my dh disagreeing with me. Corybantically. :)

Okay, so there is no one on God's green earth--cliche, but I have to leave it, fingers to the keyboard and no looking back--who can push my eject button like my dh. He punches that and everything that I expect about me disappears. Thankfully it doesn't happen now as it did when we were first married. I'm not one to fling food, but I remember tossing a pan full of popcorn at the door he closed behind himself after a well-chosen verbal missle. I don't remember the missle, but the dented pan we still have and we still pop popcorn in it. So I guess we've all survived.

But that corybantic episode was not deliberate or chosen. And there are many of those clocked in the interest of putting together a family and keeping together a family. When I read the definition I was searching for times when I was purposely corybantic. Not out of fear or frustration, but simply for the sake of being unrestrained.

I remember sitting in a corner booth at a pizza restaurant and wondering what would happen if I hopped up on the table and danced. But that was as far as that ever got.

I think my roomie Julie and I sometimes got corybantic when we were so tired we couldn't think anymore. I remember laughing. And our shut-the-door, pull-the-phone-from-the-jack, pig-out-on-junk-food, and read-to-your-heart's-content weekends when we'd simply had enough of our jobs and assorted other stresses. So can mild episodes of rebellion against life in general be considered corybantic? I guess not. Wild and frenzied didn't exactly enter the picture. Unless the books were wild and the eating was frenzied from time to time.

I also remember riding with Julie to go see our friend in Kansas, and when we were all alone on the highway in the western part of the state, we decided there was absolutely no reason not to drive on the other side of the road. We hadn't seen a car for miles. So we drove English style through western Kansas singing songs at the top of our lungs. Perhaps that would qualify as corybantic. Do you think so?

Maybe my writing would benefit from a little more corybantic episodes. Hmmmm.........