I need to be working but I'm going to take advantage of my functioning s key.

I hate it when the computer starts misbehaving at random. I'll take it to Best Buy and the technician will look at me like I'm an idiot and I will blather incoherently because I feel intimidated. Why do I let that happen? I'm not crazy! At times the s key will not type until it good and well pleases and then it will continue to type until you strike another key. Just before it began functioning again, when I struck the d key it would type dsssssssssss. So I just hit d and s alternately for a while and voila. Now they both are working. What is up with that??????? Do you believe me? Yes, I'm sure you do. But trying to diagnose something like that? Wouldn't it be easier to look at the client like their minds are as full of holes as Swiss cheese and say, "Well it's working now, isn't it?" Yes. And can I blame them? No.

What an interesting couple of days we've had here. The humidity has been serious. We had the house open for quite some time yesterday because it was cooler, and every sheet of paper that was hanging over an edge of some type was this morning molded to that edge. This included a 32 page magazine with a paper cover. The air was so damp that my grocery sacks that I carried in from the car all felt as though they'd had someting sweating inside them; they were all damp to a degree. It made the air silver--that silvery kind of atmosphere that I usually associate with July here. The air conditioning felt good not so much that it was cooler as it managed to pull that moisture out of the air. We left the AC on during the night, and just looking out my front door at the petunias that are blooming like crazy, I see the same haze in the air and wonder if we're in for another round of thunderstorms.

I don't know because I slept in this morning. I barely remember taking A to work or eating my everything bagel because my tummy was rumbling so. If there is anything I do remember about my 6 AM jaunt, it was that bagel--haven't had one in ages. Absolutely delicious. At any rate I dropped him off and came straight hom. After I put the car back in the garage (without hitting anything. Bumped the neighbor's fence this morning backing out. Everything I touched this morning fell and made a racket--I kid you not! The quieter I tried to be the worse it got. I was afraid to stay awake!) I stumbled through the kitchen door and went straight back to bed. Somewhere between that point and 8:30 my dh left and I didn't even hear him get up. I got up at 8:30 and straightened the house out some at least in the kitchen and living room. My house looks like the state of my head at the moment. Cluttered. But at least I'm not falling asleep every time I sit down today. Both sons and hubby are gone. I'm going to go get more flowers while I can browse in peace. Why am I not decluttering my house? Because I don't need peace and quiet to "enjoy" it and I have all day. That's why.

My ds got his itinerary for his European Odyssey while I was out on Saturday evening last week. I have never been so jealous in my life. I almost didn't finish reading it. Honestly. I know I'm an adult and his mother for heaven's sake, but I was so jealous of him at that moment. I managed to quell it and be joyous for him though. He's worked so hard. And I'm so glad we raised him in such a fashion that he will take off and go. Parenting is tough. Even when you do your job right, it hurts. But not all the time. I am so thrilled for him. In a nutshell, he'll be flying to Athens where he'll be several days before he takes an overnight ferry trip to Italy. After several days there (and one in Venice! There goes the jealousy again!) he'll take a train to France and from there go to London from where I believe he flies home. He has a home stay with a French family. The stuff they're doing in each of their locations is so cool. They are average tourists to a degree, but P2P opens a lot of doors that might not otherwise be open to them. At any rate, it's going to be some trip. I'm glad I've helped support him through this working stuff so that he's able to make it.

Well, if I'm going to get my flowers picked out before someone comes home, I'd better get to it. But this has been a needed and welcome break.

Brainstorming: "Good Samaritan" 500 - 1000 words

A good Samaritan who doesn't want to be. Young man. His father owns a gas station. It's generally accepted that he'll work there. For free. After all, it keeps the family afloat and everyone has to do their fair share. But it seems his share is "fairer" than the other. It's generally explained away that he's the oldest, but the next brother in line isn't studying how to tow Buicks out of ditches, but is filling out college applications because he's "smart."

People see the sign on the side of the truck and assume there's no charge. After all didn't this Samaritan pay out of his own pocket to help someone?

Good samaritan--what else. Member of the club. Watches roadsides to assist people. Does it in pairs. Doesn't help where really needed: afraid. Helps where there's a setup: situation doesn't "look" suspicious. Things aren't always as they seem.

Good Samaritan: talking to himself about what he should do. Or who is he really? What is in his heart that makes him care so much about a stranger--moreso than the stranger's own countrymen, and the leaders at that?

Perhaps this opportunity is an answer to a deep need that he has. He returns kindness for grief and grows. Learns the power of forgivness and kindness. There's just as much in it for him in the end, in the way of healing--but internally--as there is for the man who fell among the robbers.

Has no idea how he will be remembered while the person who is causing him grief will fade into obscurity.

True strength of character lies in service to fellow human beings.

Just had to work on that a bit and get the brain muscle moving. I am sitting here in my semi-dark living room. Dim green light rises inside the glass blocks set in the top of the wall beside me and cast just enough light to make pathways clear. I feel the gentle movement of the air as the blades of the ceiling fan toss currents about. It's a distant breeze, not enough to chill me as it would were it any closer.

Thunder rumbles in the distance and I long to turn on the television to see if we're still in line for a rough night. It's almost midnight now, and the projection was for the storm to reach OKC between 11 and 12. So maybe, like all the other storms round about tonight, it too is passing us by. The thunder gets serious every now and then, but still fades into a distant rumble that does not sound threatening.

The dishwasher timer is click-clicking as it nears its starting point. Hank the Cowdog has finally stopped his narrative for the night and the air conditioning unit in the back of the house turned off as well. It's as quiet as it's been all day and I can clearly hear the click of my too-long fingernails on the laptop keys. Rhythm is poor. Mistakes are common.

My eyes keep wanting to close of their own accord but I'm not ready yet for them to do so. Every now and then they win out and I wonder sometime if I'm going to fall asleep with my computer on my lap and wake up when I hear it crash to the floor and break. I'm ridiculous. I really need to sleep if I'm that tired.

But it seems these days I'm always that tired. Since we went to Denton I have not regained my momentum. Really I guess since I went to the writer's conference. I barely made it to Denton because that was one more thing I wouldn't/couldn't/didn't want to handle. I'm scattered and flighty. I get out my listmaker and my datebook and I sit and stare into space and wonder why nothing will come now that it's time for it to. Put it all away and start on something that needs continuity and I will think of a gazillion things I should write down before I forget them.

I wish I could smell rain, but the house is closed up. I think I admitted defeat today. I just get so cranky trying to work in here in the heat. The AC is on and probably will be. We really do need to conserve, though. Now yesterday it was 96 and we turned on the AC for three or four hours before we went to bed. I was perfectly fine with that. Today was so different. Just don't have it in me I guess, even though I need to have "it." Things aren't going to get any better as time marches on.

Pool time is around the corner. I don't want to think about how dirty they are. I just want to walk somewhere that's not going to hurt my knee. Oh there's something else to remember for Wednesday--walking with T. I have questions to type and shoot! there was one other important must-do-tomorrow thing I needed to do. Make a grocery list? That wasn't it. Needs to be done, but that wasn't it. Reserve A's Chicago flight and hotel. Look for missing tenants. Hey that was it. NOW I can sleep.

Sleep. That's it. Sleep.

I'm trying to get back to this but I really am running dry. Even writing isn't making sense of my world these days.

I'm overwhelmed and feeling like I'll never dig out of this hole that I've dug for myself. I want to do so much, but I am running out of time and particularly out of energy. I think I'm going to have to take some time to devote to doing things that simply must be done so that once they are over and done, I can proceed with a more balanced approach on a maintenance plan. But I have to get something to maintain first.

Is that sort of like getting a rough draft in hand and then polishing? Can I take a month off from writing--perhaps even workshops--to deal with the things that are weighing so heavily on my shoulders that all I want to do is sleep? I hate it when I feel like this and normally it's because I'm not writing. But I have been writing--even if it's not been here.

I spend way too much time DAILY searching for things that should have a home so that they are easy to locate. Everything from school records to insurance papers--even bills. Shoot, I know where the bills are, I'm just so far behind on reconciling balances and the like that I'm avoiding paying them. This is a new conundrum for me. I've never had this happen before in my life. I always pay bills promptly.

Then there's R's hand. He was so happy with how he was cared for at St. Anthony and how well the finger seemed to be healing. Then they went to take out stitches last night and the finger was not splinted correctly. R's sister said she winced when she first heard they had splinted it at a 90; with the injury on one side of the finger, the finger is being pulled by the stronger side and is curling under the middle finger. It's the type of injury--his sis made this VERY clear--that if it's not cared for immediately, it could spell the loss of use of the hand in general. This will probably require surgery. R's sis isn't one who would throw colleagues under the bus on a whim, and she's saying this is a serious malpractice incident. This stuff is basic med school 101 and it should never have been splinted with the fingers bent at a 90. So we'll see what tomorrow will bring. She's told him exactly how to approach it through the ER that he went into, so that hopefully they will recognize their error and get it fixed without it costing us an arm and a leg. Or just his hand....

Strangely enough I'm not as worried about that or his finding work as I am Abe's school situation that seems just so overwhelming I can hardly think about it, which is just making things worse, of course. I did very well last week, just doing a little at a time and felt good about the progress, but I need blinders so that when I hit a snag, I just work through the snag and doing start looking at what's out ahead of me to deal with, because that's when I lose my nerve and I go down.

Sufficient is each day for it's own badness. I think I'm going to go try to get ready for next week.

It's a great life if you don't weaken.