Standing on an Island...

As I take the stepping stones across the river of life. :) I finally get a day to breathe. Tomorrow it was supposed to rain all day, last I watched the weather, so I got out today and got everything done I wanted to do so I could stay in the warmth and dry tomorrow. The laundry is reasonably caught up and I did all the ironing I normally do on a Saturday yesterday. I will do some proofing of numbers and preparations for our meeting on Sunday afternoon and the gathering that follows. But for the most part, I have what looks like an easy day stretching before me tomorrow.

I am almost falling asleep as I type, so I need it.

I'm ready for more character building.

And I'm studying the history of lace-making.... May have a missing detail that I need to get going on the preliminary work on the next book.... If it's a book. I'm beginning to wonder if it's not a better short story. Time will tell.

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seeds

She huddled in a dark corner as she always did, and felt the shame she always felt. In her mind she could hear her grandmother standing toe to toe with her captors, screaming insults and bearing the consequences as a badge of pride and honor. Maybe that came as a result of having a life of value. She didn't want to stand up, didn't want to draw attention. Oddly enough, she didn't want to die. Her grandmother would sacrifice her life and all her skill and training rather than cower. But she, with no skill and no value, did not want to sacrifice living. Did it mean she had no honor?

With these thoughts twisting like snakes and biting her, she shook her head and then cradled it in her hands, covering her ears. There had to be something else to think about. When she wasn't lost in thought, her head was filled with nonsense words that swirled around her. Before now she had never really thought about how comforting it was to hear words that you understood, even if they were harsh and demanding.

There was no way to think of the future without overwhelming fear. There was no way to think of the present without wondering what would happen. If only sleep would come. Perhaps she wouldn't mind dying if she didn't know it was happening.
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I have written this opening scene again and again and again and I'm still not satisfied with it. Probably because I cannot see it. I have so much research to do before I can see it clearly.

But I know the feelings and the fear and the background that shapes this captive and the future that lies ahead of the darkness. Those won't change. I want to get to that part so badly, but first I have to get some important details figured out. This one is going to take a lot more work than any piece I have ever done, but it's demanding to be told.

So November is a little over seven months away. Plenty of time to get some serious research done, right? :) Then there's my editor who is not-so-gently reminding me that I haven't really finished Cousins yet. I need a new title before I can do any real selling though. And to iron out one big gap--like the place and Lodge where they spend their holiday with family. Other than that I think I'm good to go except for the nitpicking editing. I might be more motivated to do that if I was worried someone might say, "Send it!" Sometimes I need the adrenalin to get me motivated, I think.

I'm Sunk

I just read in the newspaper today that the town I live in is in negotiations for a Barnes and Noble to be built here.

I'm doomed. I guess I should just start saving now.....

Today was quite a twist weather-wise. I knew it was going to be "sharply colder" but I did not catch the part about the wind. Good heavens. It was the type of gale that moves your car about on the road as you try to drive. Give up trying to walk about without hair in your face. Everyone had that bedroom hair look today, unless they were bald.

Tomorrow it's back to spring and it's supposed to be 78 on Thursday before the next batch hits for the weekend.

When you're stuck about what to write, the admonition is, write the moment. So here I sit in my recliner. The spot in the middle of my back just below my shoulder blades has calmed to a sharpish ache instead of a constant screaming nag. My right leg is curled up underneath me where it shouldn't be. My foot will be asleep when I unfold. My fingernails need to be cut. This is the first computer I've had trouble with them sliding on the keys. The heater just kicked on again--I need to turn that down, just turned it up to take off the chill and it's having trouble kicking on anyway, which is annoying. The only light in the room comes from this computer screen an the green-white lights on the DVD and CD players. The humidifier is squawking--have to remember to give it water in the morning. My lips are dry and I keep tugging at stray pieces of dead skin, making them hurt, and my bangs are driving me crazy because they are a distraction. Ocassionally the vent for the oven hood clanks. The winds have been mostly from the west which don't make it rattle and bang like the winds from the south or the west.

I have to sleep. My eyes keep closing of their own accord. I'm going to dream of coffee drinking and book browsing.....

What about?

I want to write but I'm stuck, which is a good sign I'm not doing it enough--just showing up at the page and letting things come.

That's not entirely true as I have begun to visit here and write more regularly, but I'm not satisfied with the results. I found a file on my laptop desktop last night--funny how sooner or later I stop really "seeing" what's right in front of my face--called Writers Writing and it was the text file I opened to write in before the modem went out on that computer and I could attend workshop sitting in my recliner with it on my lap. I started reading through the stuff and felt a pang. I guess it was envy. Or longing. The words seemed to come so easily, and the prompts didn't bore me. Or perhaps I just made myself do them instead of picking and choosing whether I wanted to or not.

I need to register for the OWFI conference. There maybe I'll remember now that I've typed it too.

It's another busy week ahead and today has gone nothing like I wanted it to go. So I'm behind already. That's my good excuse for sitting here and not getting laundry done. :-

I was reminded that today is the first day of spring--the spring equinox, and since we have our Memorial celebration on Thursday that means we'll have a full moon, and I wonder what kind of night it will be. I love it when this full moon in bright and clear in the sky, because whatever has come and gone on this earth of ours, the same moon has shined overhead for all of it.

Because the Native American names for the full moons facinates me, I tripped on out there on the 'Net to see what the name of this one is. It's the Full Worm Moon, so named by the Native Americans because the earth begins softening and worm castings begin to appear, signaling that the worms are at work helping to loosen the soil for spring planting. Tribes in the more northern areas referred to it as the Full Crow Moon, feeling that the cawing of crows signaled the end of winter. Because the snow becomes crusted from thawing by day and freezing by night, this moon was also called the Full Crust Moon. Or if you were one to tap trees for syrup, it might be known as the Full Sap Moon or Full Sugar Moon. This is also the Paschal Full Moon--that from Christendom, of course, rather than Native Americans, the first full Moon of the spring season. The first Sunday following the Paschal Moon is by tradition Easter Sunday. Of course Christ's death--which oddly enough was the only event in his life which he commanded the celebration of--occured on the night of that first full moon because that's when Passover was held.

Well, there goes my timer. I still don't feel like I got anywhere today. I'm hungry for a character to take my hand I think and lead me to the next story that I need to write. Not that I've finished editing Cousins. Or even started the process of finding a decent title for it.... At any rate, I showed up, and that's the important thing, right? Right!

Rock and Roll!

They're here!

I hear the thunder rolling. That means spring storms.

I've lived in OK too long. I'm no longer scared, just absolutely fascinated. What good does fear do anyway? It never alters the course of the clouds as they march.

I find myself wishing it were daytime so that I could watch the clouds as the build and move. The sky was awesome on the way home tonight. I had a hard time keeping my mind on my "chauffeur's" conversation because the sun was setting and the light show was fabulous. I love the sky especially when it is shades of purple, gray and pink. It reminds me of mother-of-pearl for some reason. Not so much the glimmer as the subtle shades that bleed and blend into one another so that you can tell where the brilliant pink stops and the gentle salmon begins.

The storms are north of us at the moment and still far enough away that the rumble is faint and the lightning flashes only among the tops of the clouds. I think we're supposed to have more of the same tomorrow.

Tomorrow is haircut day, I've decided. After my fellow teacher-parent, new to hschooling this year, comes by to survey my book stash that is on its way out the door as a donation.....and takes what she needs, I am following her down the road because her gang will head for the library which is across the street from where I go to get the hair cut. Hmmm. I hope they're open on Monday..... They better be open on Monday. :- The best laid plans....

I'm going through the numbers one more time tomorrow afternoon and then the taxes are OUT OF HERE. I thought it was important to let it sit for a day. I finished entering numbers early this morning. We don't owe anything--which is always good news--and we don't get a whole lot back, which initially sounds like bad news, but actually means we didn't provide an interest-free loan to the government for a good part of the year. All in all I can't complain, and each year I get just a little more organized, things are just a little easier, even though I will always hate the crunch I put myself through. I did get finished early this year for me. Next year I'd love to make it a month earlier. Putting it off till late March/early April puts me at a time when I'd really rather be focusing on spiritual things instead of commercial things. I might as well be stuck inside doing taxes when the weather is less than ideal as well. These past couple days were gorgeous, and the wind finally died down, but I had no time to go walking in it. I was stuck fighting numbers and listening to college basketball because my crew who "doesn't follow basketball" can't seem to leave the television off. LOL!

Well, I'm going to close my eyes and listen to the thunder. And Pinky and the Brain. We turned off the sex and violence--all that was on TV tonight--and dragged out the tapes we recorded before P & the B went to cable. After a meal of roast chicken that was superb, I'm ready for a little R & R before it's back to the routine tomorrow. Spring break is over and it's time to rock and roll toward summer.

So Close I Can Taste It

I've had flashbacks to November and NaNo today. It comes from pushing through and feeling that satisfaction that comes with it.

I would hit these walls (in the tax preparation process) and think, "If I look at ONE MORE receipt, have to squint any harder at ONE MORE pale ink number, have to decide ONE MORE time if it's a receipt for cleaning & maintenance or repair, I will melt like margarine on corn on the cob fresh off the grill. And before you think that's a yummy analogy, remember this: the corn would be woody. :)

So I'd let myself get up and wander around a bit. Maybe get something healthy to snack on. "Allow" myself to run a sink full of hot water and do some dishes, or fold a load of laundry. You know things are bad when dishes and laundry are a highlight of the day. Then I'd tell myself, "five minutes more and if you're dying by then you can quit. For a while." Inevitably when I started back again, I'd get in the groove and sail on awhile. I now have everything in it's place, and it's a matter of tallying up the numbers and typing them in the right spot. And coming up with a good bottom line, of course.

I'm eager for this to be over. I'm ready to move on to other projects. I have a friend coming Monday to look at books and see what she wants. After that I'll cart the remainder to Uptown Thrift as I go get my hair cut. I can't believe the 24th--the most important day of the year for us--is nipping at my heels again. I had so much time just a few days ago.

I can also feel myself coming down with something. Cough and general aches. I need to get on the silver and vitamin C and whatever else might help me last through next weekend.

I have a zillion other projects going. Asher starts his electronic school on Monday and I'm eager to encourage him through that. This has to work. It lifts so much of the planning and guesswork off my shoulders and generates the trail I need to prove the work he's doing. Not to mention he can work through at his own pace. If we follow the calendar and lessons set out for us he'll be ready for his eighth grade work on time. I can't believe it's already time to start thinking about his high school record-keeping.

I'm digging out the school room. I started on that trail with the book give-away earlier. I've contented myself with the fact that this process will be slow. But I look at the shelves I've done and the bags of shredded trash that have gone out and I know that there is more going out than is coming in. If I can just keep it up. I'm doing two different rooms, switching off on alternate days. "My" room and Asher's. I want to get him in the habit of devoting a period of time every day--a short period of time--so that when we get to the maintenance phase he'll have the routine down. There is so much junk. Sometimes I think we live at a disadvantage simply because we can own so much stuff. It clouds the brain. It makes us lazy--mentally and otherwise. I am ready to pare down to the minimum. After those two rooms are done come the laundry room and the office. I am going to stop drowning in papers.

Then there's containers to plant with flowers. Still have to decide how I'm going to go on that front.

Okay, so that was an enjoyable break. Everyone has gone to bed and I'm going to work with numbers in the uninterrupted quiet....