Morning Pages again

While my computer gave me fits last week--I think I have that problem solved now, fingers crossed--I set up my front porch so I could write among my flowers and it went very well on the days I was healthy enough to care if the sun came up. :) I found a pen that matches the color of the cover of a blue linen blank book I got at a deep discount at Waldenbooks, a candle scented with Sweet Peas and Lilacs, and a bamboo chest to sit under the mailbox to keep everything contained. I encluded my daily scriptures and some magazines I need to get read and I can go out there anytime for a breather.

It has been nice to get back to pen and ink when it comes to writing. There is something liberating about writing for no audience. Don't get me wrong--I think this is good practice as well, because a writer who wants to be read has to keep an audience in mind. That happens to me automatically here--I am hoping that one or two bored souls will stop in and start browsing. :) I do allow myself to back up for mistypings and a smidgeon of editing before I hit the send button. I just don't do anything thoroughly because that's the nature of this beast.

The nature of paper and pen and ink is quite different. In that book I write only for me the words don't always come neatly or in order. They go down as they flow. I don't intend that anyone else read it. In fact, I hope no one else ever does. :)

One result of the exercise has been that my eagerness to start something new is running tandem with my eagerness to get the Cousins re-write completely finished. I've finally found my golden thread that will tie this story up in such a nice neat package it makes me long for a weekend to get it out and do nothing but edit.

I also joined the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators and the regional director, who also happens to be a member of OWFI, already called me personally on the phone to see if I had any questions or how she might be able to help in any way. That kind of personal interest makes the membership fee very much worth it. They have "Schmooze Sessions" every month, alternating between OKC and Tulsa. I'm hoping they fall on do-able days so I can connect from time to time with other area writers. I'm excited about the prospects.

My mother's health continues to baffle us. It seems pretty clear that she is battling depression. They are going to start treating that agressively. Whether or not that is the only problem remains to be seen. Is there another illness and the stress related has triggered the depression? Or did her illness back in November trigger an imbalance of some sort? It's all very strange. But they did rule out the pancreatic cancer that had our hearts in our throat. Depression--while serious and mysterious in and of itself--is not quite as jarring a diagnosis. Maybe I'm treating it too lightly. I think depression is another one of those things you don't really understand till you live with it. "Just snap out of it" has to sound to a depressed person a lot like "just stop drinking" sounds to an alcoholic. It's deeper and you can't get a grasp of how it's different until you live with someone who battles it. So maybe it's an opportunity for me to learn more, know more, and be more compassionate.