Minimizing Modifiers
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
According to editor Noah Lukeman, “…the quickest and easiest way to reject a manuscript is to look for the overuse, or misuse, of adjectives and adverbs. He offers this advice: “When rewriting, pretend someone will give you $100 for every word you are able to cut.” The result, he says, is a tighter manuscript. The best place to look for those $100-dollar words is among modifiers.
By way of review, here are the definitions:
Adjective: 1. The part of speech that
modifies a noun or other substantive by limiting, qualifying or
specifying and distinguished in English morphologically by one of
several suffixes, such as –able, -ous, -er, and –est,
or syntactically by position directly preceding a noun or nominal
phrase. 2. Any of the words belonging to this part of speech,
such as white in the phrase a white house.
Related words:
modifier, qualifier -
a content word that qualifies the meaning of a noun or verb
descriptive adjective, qualifying adjective - an adjective that ascribes to its noun the value of an attribute of that noun (e.g., `a nervous person' or `a musical speaking voice')
classifying adjective, relational adjective - an adjective that classifies its noun (e.g., `a nervous disease' or `a musical instrument')
comparative - the comparative form of an adjective; "`better' is the comparative of `good'"
superlative - the superlative form of an adjective; "`best' is the superlative form of `good'"
Adverb: 1. The part of speech that modifies a verb, adjective or other adverb. 2. Any of the words belonging to this part of speech, such as so, very and rapidly.
(If you’d like a refresher and some exercises associated with the use of adverbs and adjectives, try the mini-tutorial on englishpage.)
While not all adjectives and adverbs are
useless, in an initial draft they often sneak in as crutches. It
is crucial to pare them back. When you use only modifiers that
are essential, those words stand out instead of being drowned
out. You don’t want so many bridesmaids that guests have
trouble spotting the bride.
The use of too many modifiers will leave your
readers unengaged. When every last detail is explained, readers
cannot interact with the text using their own imagination. Worse
yet, you run the risk of boring the audience since most modifiers
are common, perhaps even cliché. Well-chosen nouns and verbs
will be strong enough to stand on their own without being
explained by a modifier.
So one of the first things you can do to
strengthen your draft is to concentrate on reducing the number of
modifiers. Lukeman counsels:
When you spot an area where there is a string
of adjectives or adverbs, easily spotted by looking for a series
of commas, allow yourself only one. This will force you to choose
the modifier that adds the most pertinent information.
Once you’ve pared down your adjectives
and adverbs, study what is left to see if you can use a more
unusual description. Readers delight in the unexpected. Example:
Instead of intense red perhaps vermillion or
scarlet
Look too at the words that are being
modified: nouns and verbs. Can you make those words stronger so
that you can eliminate still more modifiers? Example: Walk
quickly could become trot.
You can use an analogy, simile or metaphor
instead of adjectives. For example: “Her mood changed
frequently and suddenly” could become “Her mood
swayed like a treetop in a windstorm.”
Now for some practice. Your job is to do
surgery on the passage you’ll find below. Lukeman suggests a
process which I will summarize here:
Remove every adjective and adverb from the
segment and put them in a list of their own. How many are there?
Use the rest of the week to work through the
segment several times, allowing for some down time between edits
so that you can see the material fresh. When you’re
satisfied that you’ve made the passage as strong as it can
be, post your results.
Remember, because of our uniqueness, no two
edited passages will come out alike, and there is no right or
wrong way to do this exercise. You may decide that one modifier
is more important, and the next writer will choose a different
one, or eliminate all of them, based on his or her perception.
There is only what’s best for you. Keep in mind, the
more you put into the exercise, the less (words) you’ll wind
up with. For this lesson, less is more.
Here’s the passage:
Jacque pulled her tattered, threadbare denim
jacket tighter across her chest. The blustery, gray, fall day
wasn’t going to allow a single ray of sunshine through the
low, thick clouds to see her off.
She glanced over at her mother who kept rolling back the cuff of her crisp, white blouse to see where the hands were on her gold and diamond watch. Jacque sighed quietly and pushed a few curly stray hairs back from her face, then continued watching her mother some more out of the corner of her eye. Of course her mother’s straight, auburn hair was behaving in the strong, relentless wind. It was pulled tight against her head in a perfect round bun and secured there with countless brown bobby-pins. Nothing dared cross this driven, determined executive, not even her hair.
“So you have all the documentation you need for when you arrive in a handy spot, right?” her mother asked. She’d stopped checking the watch nervously, but now was turning her head back and forth to look for the late train and at the same time make it appear she really had interest in this one-sided conversation.
“Yes, it’s in the front zippered part of my wheeled suitcase.”
Her mother turned a desperately pleading look on Jacque one more time. “I’m sure you’ll be alright without the jacket. The train will be toasty warm, and the sun will be well up making the day bright and warm when you get there.”
“Thanks again, but no, Mom. It’s fine. It’s mine and it’s familiar. I need it for now.” Jacque looked away from her and down the track because the loud shrill whistle was announcing the approaching train.
“First impressions are so very important, Dear. I know that isn’t right and people should be given a chance to show who and what they really are. But the sad truth of the matter is that people look quickly and judge even more quickly.”
Jacque sighed again, heavily this time. “You told me about this before, Mom.”
“I know Honey. It’s my everyday job. I am your mother. Remember to talk politely and slowly and look directly at people, Jacque. Stand up for yourself. Don’t act all mousy and scared. You have many, many different reasons to be proud and confident.”
The activity and noise in the area was steadily increasing, which made it harder and harder to hear her mother’s words. But Jacque didn’t really care. She shouldered her overstuffed, navy-blue backpack and then grasped the slick smooth handle of her suitcase. Then she leaned across the short distance between herself and her mother and kissed the woman on the cheek.
“I’ll be just fine, Mother. You worry way too much about me. Go on to work before you’re late and that mean old boss of yours decides he wants to threaten to fire you on the spot again.”
“You’re absolutely right. I really should go.” Still a long, uncomfortable silence stretched between them. It was like her mother was trying to say something but couldn’t quite find the right words to do it. Jacque looked down at her blue jeans, which were dutifully pressed, and her black boots, which she’d polished to a rich shine. There wasn’t much more for her mother to find fault with. But then again, her mother was a long-time veteran at the ongoing game of finding what needed to be fixed on her.
“I’m very proud of you, Jacque. I hope you know that.” She turned on one black spiked heel and headed away toward the parking lot without a single backward glance. Which was probably a very good thing because she would never have approved of the way Jacque’s jaw hung open widely in surprise.
Happy editing!
©2006Dekat
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Last Modified: May 17, 2006